Alex Bash grew up in Chicago where he began writing just like all authors do: by committing copyright infringement on Brian Jacques and J.R. Tolkien. Luckily, he was only in 4th grade, so all charges were dropped.
Using controversial words like “damn” and “hell” he quickly rose to the forefront of the pre-pubescent publishing world with his six-page epic, The Final Horde. Sadly, the quick rise to fame sent Alex into a downward spiral, where he got heavily into the cupcake and skittles scenes, often times neglecting recess in favor of spiking his blood sugar in the cafeteria by himself.
After rehab, he pursued the performing arts, but just before his big break at the 5th grade talent show he walked in on Mickey Mouse finger-banging Cinderella backstage and was traumatized, too afraid to approach the stage.
In middle school he spent most of his time skateboarding and cheating on Spanish vocab tests. More importantly, he first tasted beer, and began a life-long journey of trying to cover up his breath.
In high school he started participating in two great American pastimes: playing guitar and shaving his pubes. During his senior year he enrolled in a creative writing class at the local community college where his first story, the Flaming Croutons, stood out like an erect penis in basketball shorts amongst the depressing slew of pseudo-biographical introspective memoirs about being angry at one’s father. He received a 4.0.
Alex then attended the University of Washington where joined a fraternity and merged onto the Freeway of Diminishing Morals. He would continue down this road for the next three years, occasionally taking day trips along Debauchery Highway and Binge Drinking Avenue, eventually ending up at his destination: the front porch.
When Alex woke up on the front porch after a long night of drinking games, it changed his life. He realized that activities involving quarters, dice and ping pong balls made the endorphins in his brain start humping like rabbits. He enjoyed this, and spent the next six months researching drinking games, playing drinking games, and boosting the sales of Anheuser-Busch and Gatorade.
However, the demons of capitalism pulled Alex away from his beloved drinking games, and soon he found himself working independent marketing gigs for real estate agents, which left him with significantly less time to play Flip Cup. He became jaded, quit his job, and went home to see the person who knew him best: his mom.
Alex’s mom encouraged him to do what he loved most, and in only a few short months he had setup an international drug trafficking ring. When his mom told him this was illegal, he decided to share his love of drinking games with the world by writing the book that would become The Imbible: Drinking Games for Times You’ll Never Remember with Friends You’ll Never Forget.
After completing the book, Google told him he needed to get an agent. So, he emailed some people he found online and got offers of representation from more than a dozen agencies. This was somewhat surprising to Alex seeing as though he was unpublished and unknown. He looked into the various agencies, and decided upon Folio Lit. He and his agent are 6-1 in Beer Pong.
In stark contrast to his general belligerence, Alex works at a hospital where he saves lives, which he likes to remind people is no big deal. He can say otolaryngology in three languages and knows more about the Orbitofrontal Cortex than is necessary for someone who is not, technically, a doctor.
Each year he participates in Relay for Life, and not just for the free energy drinks and resume building. He enjoys bubblegum toothpaste, strawberry Pop Tarts, and bench press. He thinks Pierce Brosnan was the best James Bond, and can often be found shamelessly charming girls with sappy acoustic songs. He can be reached at alexbash1@gmail.com.
For more information, here is a sarcastically answered questionnaire:
WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Ann Arbor, Michigan. My twin brother and I were playing catch with the pancreas when all of a sudden they sliced open my mom’s belly and pulled us out. My twin wanted to stay in there so badly he wrapped the umbilical chord around his neck.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Ever since the Kidney Brothers introduced me to Beer Pong I had been anxious to get out there and play. Little did I know I’d have to wait 14 long years before sinking my first cup. Heartbreaking, I know.
AND?
The only memories I have from my 3 years in Ann Arbor are a crowd of 110,000 at the Big House and being perpetually cold.
THEN?
I then lived in Chicago for 6 years where a mayor won an election by 257% and I got to experience the two seasons: winter and construction. I then moved to what I consider my hometown: Vancouver, Washington, better known to musical acts as “Hello Portland!” Any memory I may have of Vancouver I drank away after learning the drinking games Speed Quarters and Asshole.
WHERE DO YOU LIVE NOW? CITY? STATE? CARDBOARD BOX?
I currently live in Seattle, Washington where I spend 50% of my time stuck in traffic and the other 50% dreaming up ways to attach rocket launchers to the front of my car. The other 50% of my time (I’m from Chicago, remember?) is spent pushing myself through hung-over workouts and locating my pants from the previous night.
HIGH SCHOOL?
I gradated from Skyview High School in 2004. Our mascot was a Storm. He showed up to every game, invited or not.
COLLEGE?
I graduated from the University of Washington with a degree in Communication and holy shit that girl sitting next to me gorgeous. Sorry, what was the question?
OCCUPATION?
VP of Operations: Beer Olympics, Tour de Franzia
Inventor: Hangover Rating Scale, Manliness Calculator, Alex Bash Party Mix
Creator: Theory of Alcohol Evolution, Law of Peeing off Bridges
HEIGHT? WEIGHT?
6 foot, 190, but that can vary greatly depending on how bulimic I’m feeling or if I’ve recently had a limb severed.
WHERE CAN I BUY YOUR BOOK?
My first book, The ImBible: Drinking Games for Times You’ll Never Remember with Friends You’ll Never Forget, hits shelves August 5th, 2008, but is available for pre-order right now from Amazon.com 
IF I SEND YOU AN EMAIL WILL YOU ANSWER IT?
I respond to nearly every email I get, even if it is with something as simple as “thank you” or “I already apologized for getting your dog drunk, now leave me alone!”
I AM FROM THE MEDIA; CAN I DO AN INTERVIEW/ARTICLE ABOUT YOU?
I am your media whore. Anything I can do to sell more books or get more traffic to my website is my #1 priority, even above eating. I once got no website hits for six days. I lost 24 pounds. Please visit my site.
WHERE DOES MOST OF YOUR FAMILY LIVE?
My immediate family and my dad’s grandparents are the only ones in my entire family that don’t live in Australia, and yes, they ride kangaroos to school.
SIBLINGS?
I have a twin brother who’s a genius and invests my money for me and a hilarious sister who plays cards with me when I come home drunk at 3am. I’ve got it made.
WHAT PHONE SERVICE DO YOU HAVE?
I had T-Mobile until I realized the only reception tower was in Moscow under sixty feet of snow and ice. I now have Verizon Wireless, whose God-powered service towers somehow manage to give me three bars of service inside the lead-filled walls of my hospital’s OR.
TELL ME SOMETHING UNIQUE THAT ONLY YOU KNOW.
When you type “fuckbag” on Microsoft Word it underlines it in red and gives you the brilliant suggestion of “buckbean.” Yeah – that’s what I meant. Thanks for catching that.
WHAT IS A QUESTION THAT PEOPLE ASK YOU THAT ALWAYS GETS ON YOUR NERVES?
”Where’s my money, bitch! WHERE IS IT! Where the fuck is my money!!!”
It’s not so much the question as it is my head being dunked in the fish tank.
LAST TIME YOU HAD BUTTERFLIES IN YOUR STOMACH?
Last night. Pan fried.
WHAT DID YOUR LAST TEXT MESSAGE SAY?
“Dude, Alex, why is all my shit duct-taped to the wall? Is this one of your and Slop’s fucking pranks? Fuck you guys. Seriously. I’m tired of this shit. So…bars tonight?”
DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE RIGHT NOW?
If you have read this far, I love you.
WHO DO YOU LIVE WITH?
Dignity moved out last week so now it’s just me and Shame. We evicted Humility because he was worthless. We’re looking into subletting to Buffoonery.
HOW MANY HOURS OF SLEEP DID YOU GET LAST NIGHT?
My Doctor: “Alcohol consumption prior to bed time decreases the likelihood of the imbiber slipping into REM sleep.”
Answer: none.
DID YOU TAKE A NAP TODAY?
Yes, but all the honking and swerving woke me up.
DO YOU LIKE THE OLYMPICS?
I currently manage a firm called Beer Olympics, LLC. Over the last quarter we had a 16% increase in RNP (Random Naked People), a 24% increase in UBC (Unintentional Boob Coppings), a 44% decrease in MDA (Mysterious Drinking Accidents) and not one UHV (Unconscious Hospital Visit).
So yes, I love the Olympics.
WHERE DO YOU WISH YOU WERE RIGHT NOW?
Inside the dick of whoever is currently sleeping with Scarlett Johansson.
FAVORITE PLACE TO BE?
Inside the dick of whoever is currently sleeping with Scarlett Johansson.
DO YOU HAVE ANY MARRIED FRIENDS?
My first three girlfriends. I'm not sure what to think about this, but I’m sure that I can brag about it in some way.
GUN CONTROL?
No, ninja control. After that we do pirate control, and then creepy-guy-in-the-alley control.
YOU USED TO SKATEBOARD, RIGHT?
I used to skate like my life depended on it, which it really only did occasionally when Nick would drink two pints of tequila and play Duck Hunt with his dad’s 12-gauge.
DO YOU EMAIL?
I have more contact with Gmail than I do my family. I’m not kidding.
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER?
9 is the sexiest number. Although 3 and 8 are in contention with their vague likeness to boobs and 7 is in the running for its common usage in money and gambling, 9 takes the cake. Why? It’s powerful (ever seen a price tag without two 9s?), it can be a 6 or a 9 (great for the sexually experimental), and lastly: 9 is the atomic number of fluorine, a highly dangerous chemical, and let’s face it – danger is sexy.
WHAT'S YOUR WORST EXPERIENCE?
Let’s just say that I didn’t laugh when Ben Stiller got his dick stuck in his zipper in There’s Something About Mary.
DO YOU DRUNK DIAL?
I needed bail money. Leave me alone.
LAST THING YOU ATE?
Tiny bits of my fingernails. I’m trying to quit; really.
THIS IS A VERY LONG "ABOUT ME" SECTION. AM I CREEPY IF I HAVE READ THIS FAR?
Yes. You can redeem yourself by buying 300 copies of my book.
FAVORITE BOOKS
DAVE BARRY’S GUIDE TO GUYS: I was almost kicked out of class because the professor thought my raucous laughter must have been from over-intoxication. He was right, but still, funny shit.
COLLEGE HUMOR GUIDE TO COLLEGE: 368 pages mocking everything I live for. Hilarious.
OUR DUMB WORLD: no words can describe the greatness that inhabits this book’s pages.
I HOPE THEY SERVE BEER IN HELL: making me feel more and more like a charitable, STD-free man with every page.
THE ALPHABET OF MANLINESS: I’ve been waiting to come out of the closet about my beef jerky and crotch-punching addiction, and this book finally made it socially-acceptable to do so.
TOP 10 LIST OF EVERYTHING: Who knows which country exports the most grapes? Alex Bash does, bitch!
TUESDAYS WITH MORRIE: yes, I cried. Mike Tyson cried and he can’t even read.
AMERICA (THE BOOK): as if politics weren’t funny enough already.
THE HARRY POTTERS: seriously the best story-telling I’ve ever read, and no, they’re not children’s books. Dumbledore is an alcoholic, the Weasley Bros traffic butterbeer through that underground tunnel to Hogsmeade and, legal or not, Hermoine is sexy.
EVERYTHING BAD IS GOOD FOR YOU: the ultimate justification for playing video games eight hours a day.
LOOK AT MY STRIPED SHIRT!: Ripping on people for 200 pages. Awesome.
MONKEY BUSINESS: Hilariously swinging through the Wall Street Jungle of 100-hour work weeks and $209,000 salaries.
THE MARK and THE GUILTY by JASON PINTER: not only was he my first editor, he’s the author of a kick-ass thriller series as well as a bunch of funny emails I keep saved in my inbox.
RUMINATIONS ON TWENTY-SOMETHING LIFE: I legitimately think Aaron Karo and I could be related.
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Pre-Order The ImBible: Drinking Games for Times You'll Never Remember with Friends You'll Never Forget
alexbash1@gmail.com
Alex Bash is the moderately well-selling author of The Imbible: Drinking Games for Times You’ll Never Remember with Friends You’ll Never Forget. The Imbible is not only the definitive book on drinking games, but is also, as many typo-ridden emails have exclaimed, "Really fucking funny, bro."
In contrast to his nightly belligerence, Alex works at a hospital where he saves lives, which he likes to remind people is no big deal. He can say otolaryngology in three languages and knows more about the Orbitofrontal Cortex than is necessary for someone who is not, technically, a doctor. He enjoys bubblegum toothpaste, strawberry Pop Tarts, and bench press.
Alex on MySpace
Alex on Facebook
Alex on College Humor
Alex on Points in Case
Occasionally, The Imbible runs off into the sunset with two girls .
Drinking with my best friends: Imbible, Imbible, Imbible, and Steve.
Sometimes The Imbible and I do the Can-Can at 4am and then wake up in the front lawn clutching three empty bottles of champagne.
My editor sent me an extra large digital copy of The Imbible. I brought it to Canada with me...eh.
Hunting for prohibitionists.
Somewhere in Australia.
Possibility I'm currently riding a kangaroo: moderate.
People have told me this picture encapsulates who I am. Not sure what to think of that.
>
When in Rome, do as a frat boy does when he has ten minutes to get drunk for a date function.
The Imbible promotes nationalism. Boisterous, intrusive, and slightly off-balanced nationalism.
The Imbible is all about nuturing.
"Fuck bears," says The Imbible.
My God...what an amazing pair of Imbibles.
The Imbible shares a moment of brotherhood with a fellow Imbible.
Undefeated, naturally.
This! Is! Beer Pong!
The Imbible is always challenging itself to get better.
The Imbible saves lives. That, or penecillin. I always mix them up.
Being too perpetually hungover to eat = loosing fat = getting ripped. You’re welcome.
The Imbible is hella bangin' smart.
There is no spoon.
It's remarkable how similar THE IMBIBLE's body is to its author's. Simply remarkable.
So THAT'S why this painting is so famous!
The greatest game in the history of the world.
Hammered drunk.
If THE IMBIBLE were on the island with Jack Sparrow, the rum would never be gone.
Praise for The Imbible
"Alex Bash is one of the funniest writers I've ever read...legitimately one of the funniest books of the year." - Jason Pinter, author of the The Mark
"The Imbible introduces Bash as a major new talent in the genre of 'books most likely to make you run through campus naked…'" – Officer Hernandez
"A laugh-out-loud must have for any party connoisseur." - John Austin, author of Prank University
“Every now and then I think there are too many derogatory jokes in THE IMBIBLE, but then I take a few more shots and it all makes sense.” – Pretty Much Everyone
“I stopped counting at about 400, but I think there could very well be 1,000 instances of the word “drink” in this book. And that is awesome.” – QueefMo
"A stunning debut by that guy who kept us up 'til 4am with drunken choruses of Wonder Wall..." - The Sorority Next Door
"I read the entire thing cover to cover and didn't even play one game - it's THAT funny." - Internet Commenter
"Oh, how I love you pumpkin bread." - Mike Rupp
"No, but really, the book is hilarious. He's a seriously funny author." – Guy who is taking this way too seriously
“I can’t wait until people start blaming THE IMBIBLE for the downfall of American society instead of their horrific parenting. Seriously, it’s going to be great.” – Person Under 60 Years Old who isn’t Senile
“Dude Alex I am seriously so drunk right now, seriously, no joke, so drunk right now…dude.” – Seriously Drunk Guy
“Was this in the old or new testament?” - Guy who can’t grasp the concept of “play on words”
“From grandkids to grandparents, THE IMBIBLE is fun for the whole family!” – Counselor having mid-life crisis
“You’d better not quote me on your website, douche bag.” – John McAdmas Jr.
“The #1 source for alcoholics heavy social drinkers to decrease increase their life expectancy drunken fun!” – TwoHole
“A step-by-step guide to time traveling to your bedroom floor the following morning.” – Scientist, desperate for work
“THE IMBIBLE will make your life an exhilarating mystery as you race the clock for answers as to what the hell you did last night.” – JV
“THE IMBIBLE is the best book I’ve never seen or heard.” – Helen Keller
"I have not woken up before noon since Alex wrote this book. I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing." – Alex's roommate
“With THE IMBIBLE you can have your cake and eat it to, and then puke it up into the toilet when you lose at Fuck the Dealer – no calories!” – Suspiciously fit female
“THE IMBIBLE is like White-Out for my life, which I think is good, because people say I’m kind of an asshole.” – TheClam
“I think I pooped myself.” – JD
“Even though I think you were joking, I still got to hit Danny in the balls four times when he lost his quarter playing Anchorman. Chuck 4, Danny’s Balls 0.” – Chuckleton
Sample Games
Why you should buy The Imbible
If waking up with a sore biceps means you had a great arm workout, waking up with a pounding head means you had a great brain workout!
Jump on the band wagon before the keg is tapped, both literally and metaphorically.
The fall of the Soviet Union was not due to the collapse of the Russian economy, but instead by the infamous game of Quarters that took place at the 1986 Reykjavik Summit between Mikhail Gorbachev and Ronald Reagan. I think it’s safe to say THE IMBIBLE is a patriot.
Because tears are less bitter when mixed with coconut rum.
If you feel bad buying a book about drinking, just cover up the first 5 letters.
The U.S. Marines’ first recruiting station was in a bar. The Marines kill bad people. Are you pro bad people?
Because if you don’t remember how you got the scar, you can make up as manly a story as you like.
18 games of beer pong is a scapegoat for anything.
THE IMBIBLE is guaranteed to lower your standards in 5 chapters or less!
If you never get to A) pass out on the floor, B) wake up in hand cuffs, C) go streaking, and D) wake up next to a naked stranger, you won’t be able to relate to half of what happens in all funny movies.
From the first drink of the night to the hair of the dog the next morning, THE IMBIBLE will make sure 90% of your outgoing phone calls are between 3:00-5:00am, which do not use peak minutes.
It can be used as a projectile, which you could very well say about any book, but after a few nights of usage The Imbible will probably have Chlamydia and act like a poison ninja star, which is way sweet.
Adolf Hitler was one of the world's best known abstainers from alcohol; his adversary, Sir Winston Churchill, was one of the world's best known heavy drinkers. I’ll let you figure this one out.
President Lincoln, when informed that General Grant drank whiskey while leading his troops, reportedly replied "Find out the name of the brand so I can give it to my other generals."
Be a part of history as THE IMBIBLE tears down the moral fabric of society!
THE IMBIBLE will lower GPAs across the country, making you look way better compared to everyone else.
Think about it…if ENRON had bought this book for all its employees they’d be too drunk to commit accounting fraud!
Drunk girls are easier. Not being a dick, just saying.
Drunk guys are easier. Not being a slut, just saying.
Franklin D. Roosevelt was elected President of the U.S. in 1932 on a pledge to end National Prohibition, so stop shitting on his memory and drink up!
It makes quarters much more valuable than 25 cents.
And finally…
THE IMBIBLE provides you with an infinite number of excuses to call your ex.